


I'm Here For You Even If You Don't Know It

by Kiyaklazam101



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Multi, Recovery, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-01 08:34:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10918176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiyaklazam101/pseuds/Kiyaklazam101
Summary: Hospital/Mental Institute were Alec is recovering from self harm and Magnus is a nurse.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have to let you know that this is only my second fanfic. I still have no idea what I'm doing. If I make a mistake, please let me know and tell me how to fix it. This first chapter is going to be short, I'm just seeing how I like this story. Well, we'll see how it goes.

-Alec's pov   
I believe it was the beeping of machines that woke me up. The first thing I noticed was that I was in a hospital. The second thing I noticed was the gauze around my arms and thighs. The last thing I noticed was Maryse Lightwood. I couldn't even stand to call her my mother anymore, let alone think it. 

She glared down at me from her plastic seat from the side of the hospital bed. I couldn't hold her gaze and turned my head to the side and looked at the floor. She knew my secret. What she was going to do about it, I had no idea.

Maryse stood up suddenly, the plastic chair screeching across the floor as it was pushed back.  
"I expect you to find yourself another place to stay. You are no longer welcome in the Lightwood household, and no longer my son." She said with malice, and left the room with long strides. 

I figured it would come to this. I knew my family was already disgusted with me before hand. The knowledge of my self harm must just revolt them. Now that my secret has been discovered, I'm now homeless.


	2. Social Security and Mental Institutes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec's life continues as he is given to social security, and even they don't want him, and give him to a mental institute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, good news, I think I'm going to continue on with this story and not give up like I did with my first fanfic. Well, at least I think that's a good thing. Anyways, this is going to be another short chapter, but continue on if you feel like it.

I didn't sleep at all that night. I just stayed awake in my self loathing. I just felt so numb. I watched nurses pass by me all day, checking on me, but I didn't acknowledge them. 

I was just so tired. I didn't even want to try to live anymore.

Days passed in a blur. I just laid in that uncomfortable hospital bed, letting doctors and nurses check my self inflicted wounds, only doing what they told me to, moving when they made me. I didn't speak though. 

Eventually, I was healed enough to leave the hospital, and of course I was given to social security. I guess Maryse was serious about getting rid of me. I wasn't old enough to live on my own, or have a job. I was being taken to mental institute. Or, at least that's what the social security lady told me. 

I honestly didn't care. I had a plan though, and I wouldn't be stuck in that place, or any place in fact, for much longer. I was going to end it all. 

I leaned my head against the cool glass of the widow to the car the rest of the ride. I believe the social security lady was talking to me during the car trip, some of what she said might of have been important, but yet again, I didn't care. 

We rolled to a stop. Senselessly, I gathered up my one line bag that was give to me. It just had a few essentials, like clothes, a toothbrush, just things like that. I hugged the bag to my side like a life line as I was forced to walk up to the door of the institute.

The Institute was a neutral color, probably to seem calming, but it just made my nerves stand on end. The institute looked more like a church to me, with large windows, open corridors, and many floors. 

The social security lady pushed me to stand in front of her at the large double doors to the mental institute as she rung the doorbell.

A few moments later, one of the doors swung open. "Hello, and welcome to Idris Mental Health Home, may I ask who you are?".


	3. Meeting Calry and Mr.Garroway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is at the Institute, know what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Already another chapter, are you proud of me? It's a little longer, but is probably really crappy, but I can't tell.

A few moments later, one of the doors swung open. "Hello, and welcome to Idris Mental Health Home, may I ask who you are?" A young, red headed girl asked as she answered the door. She had a name tag that read Clary. 

I kept silent. The social security woman looked down at me, trying to get me to answer, but I still stayed silent. She huffed and said, "Hello, this is Alec Lightwood. He's new to this establishment." 

"Oh, of course," her face seemed to light up with recognition, "Please, come with me, I'll take you to Mr. Garroway, we'll get you checked and settled in." 

Clary opened the door wider and we all stepped through. Well, I was forced through. I didn't want to go in and the social security had to put a hand on my lower back to gently push me in. 

She kept her hand on my lower back as we were lead through the Institute, guiding me in the right direction. 

We came to a large office like room, and a young man with a dark complexion dressed in simple clothes was sitting at a desk looking at some papers. When he saw us, he rose from his desk, a slight smile forming on his face. 

"Hello, and you must be Alec." He reached out his hand for a handshake. I kept my arms and hands tightly at my side. I had no desire to have any physical contact with anyone anymore. 

His smile shrunk a little as he noticed this. Although, he got straight back down to business, and his smile returned fully again. 

"Well, I am Dr. Luke Garroway, a psychiatrist, and the owner of this institute. I oversee all my patients progress over the time period they are here. Now tell me, Alec, why are you here?" 

Silence.

"Okay..... Well, I was told you were brought here because of self harm." Dr. Garroway continued, trying to rise a response out of me. 

Silence, yet again. 

Mr. Garroway sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, I saw how tired they were. I felt horrible because I was the cause.

"Well, let's get you settles in, but first I have to do a body and baggage search." At this news, Clary left the room. "I apologize Alec, but I need you to strip down to your undergarments."

Luke turned for a moment. I took this moment as my chance. I secretly pulled something out of my pocket and slipped it into my mouth. I clamped my mouth shut. 

Mr. Garroway turned to look at me again. He motioned for my bag and I handed it to him, and he did his search. He found nothing, and placed my bag to the side. Of course there would be nothing in there, the bag was provided to me by social security. 

Mr. Garroway spoke again. "Alec, please, your clothes. Do not make this difficult, please."

I couldn't help it as my body began to shake. I couldn't handle the thought of this man, a complete stranger to me, see my ugly destroyed body, covered in cuts and scars. I was a monster. 

I slowly reached down and tried to undo my belt, tears bubbling in my eyes. I was shaking so bad I couldn't undo it. I gave up, and attempted to remove my long sleeved shirt instead. I'm so worthless, I couldn't even do that. 

The tears came poring out of my eyes like a flood. I wanted to cut so bad. 

Luke came up in front of me. "Here," he took ahold of my hands. I flinched and tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let me. "Will you let me help you?" 

I nodded my head. I might as well get this over with. Mr. Garroway gently released my hands, and started to undo my belt. I couldn't help but blush. 

He took off my pants and shirt. I could feel his gaze run along all my scars. I tried to cover myself the best I could. Again, he found nothing on me or my clothes, and let me re-dress. I was still crying. 

"Let's get you settled down." 

I was led down more hallways, and to a room. 

"This is your own personal room, and this is the room you'll be staying for the rest of the time you are here." Mr. Garroway opened the door and took the privilege of taking my bag and putting it on the bed.

"I'll leave you alone for now. Take your time to settle in. You don't need to come to the dining hall tonight. I know you might not be ready to be around others. If you don't come to the dining room, a meal plate will be delivered to your room. I will talk to you again tomorrow to help you get around on you first day. Good night."

With that, Mr. Garroway left.

I wiped the tears from my eyes. Then, I flopped down on the bed, and slid the object out of my mouth. The small blade glinted in the light. There's no way they could stop me.


	4. IM SO SORRY

Sorry, this is not another chapter. This is just me kinda getting some stuff out and apologizing. First of all, straight out, I would like to say I'm sorry. For any of those who are upset or just have any bad feelings towards my fanfiction or anything in my fanfiction, I am seriously so sorry. I had a nice reader who commented to correct me on some parts of my story and to give me some information, and I thank them for trying to help me, but it got me thinking. I never have been to a mental hospital, and don't have really any information on them, and the info I have on mental hospitals may be incorrect. I just really don't want to offend anyone by getting anything wrong. Also, I kind of realized my fanfiction is not very good in the first place. It's not very original, it doesn't really make sense, and is just really crappy. I would just like to point out still that this is just my second fanfic, and I still don't know what I am doing. Anyways, I don't know if I'm going to continue this fanfic, I guess it's up to the readers if I do. I kinda want to continue it no matter how crappy it is, but if you readers find my story that offensive or bad, I'll stop (what am I talking about, who wants to read my fanfic a anyways).

P.S. I don't any of the characters in this fanfic, I don't own the Mortal Instument series, and I don't get anything out of writing this fanfic.


	5. The Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec tries to take his own life, and a man Alec thinks is an angel walks in on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, right now that this chapter is going to be very triggering. I was really upset so I guess I used a lot of detail. If you are easily triggered or upseted, I definitely would say don't read this. Even if your not, I would be careful. I don't want to make anyone upset. You can skip over this chapter, and in the next chapter I'll give the short idea of what happened. Also, I have self harmed, and I just said how I feel when I self harm. Seriously though, trek lightly.

Im going to repeat again, if you are triggered by self harm or easily upsets by it, do not read this chapter. I go into detail about self harm. Go up above and read the chapter notes toward the top of this page. Please. I do not want to upset anyone with this chapter, or with this story at all. 

 

 

I started to shake again. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately. I believe it was from the withdrawal.  
I brought the blade to my....... Arm? Thigh? Where would it not be noticeable? Who cares. I dragged the blade across my arm. I felt the needle like pin pricks of my skin being ripped open.   
I felt some pain, but it felt so good. The pain was like a punishment. A punishment I deserved. Then the blood came. At the sight of the deep, dark, red liquid, all my stress, pain, and thoughts released. I sat for a while, just watching the blood.   
But then the feeling of peace and numbness went away, and in came the shame and the guilt.   
No. I needed it back. I was in a frenzy now. I ripped the blade deep, as far as it could go into my arms, thighs, stomach, and hands.   
It wouldn't go deep enough.   
I knew once this was over, the horrible feelings would come back again.  
I stopped. I knew what I had to do now, what I had planned earlier before I had went wild.   
I raised my hand with the blade in it and shoved it into one of my arms. Only a sliver of the metal was showing, the rest buried into my arm. I dragged the blade down my arm, along the vein. I would bleed out faster this way.  
I did the same to my other arm. Everything was blurry, and I could feel my body tipping. Suddenly, my body was on the floor..... How did it get there?   
A powerful light lit the room, and a man came rushing in. I couldn't help but stare hazily at his features. His eyes shone like stars, and he used the perfect amount of makeup to accentuate them. He had hair almost as black as midnight, with streaks of color in different areas. With the light shining around his tall, thin form, it was hard not to think of him as an angel.   
He was the last thing I saw before I passed out.


End file.
